Thursday, 8 March 2012

Friday the 3rd of march


its Friday the 3rd of march, today is really shit for me I can’t get Karen
out of my head today, I spoke to her at twelve last night, and then had broken
dreams for the rest of the night, I just want to not be thinking of her.
I have no idea why I am torturing myself so much, I have had really crap
times with Karen she is lovely at times but the burden of just looking out for
and stroking her ego has taken a toll on me. I have lost myself AGAIN IN A
RELATIONSHIP it happened with Laura which wasn’t a problem because I think I
just moved on but this time it’s different and more heart-breaking.
I am obsessed with the fact of him............if she was as miserable as me
then I don’t think I would be all that bothered, but saying that Eddie someone
else is dealing with her shit, you aren't no Libby to worry about, she is sorting
out the house the dogs and her life you’re not getting screaming phone calls
berating you for things you have no control over,
It’s the sex thing, the idea of him being in her giving her pleasure that
you could not (wow that’s a big thing for you), because Eddie the sex with
Karen has never really been that amazing.
Karen even from the very beginning of our relationship held herself back
from you, for Christ sake Eddie you don’t even come inside her, you have had
better sex with Laura, caz Trudi and even though it was only once Toot.
I need to have pure nasty sex with someone else, I need to break whatever
hold that Karen has over me at the moment...I asked her to not sleep with him
in our bed she said that she would respect my wishes whatever that means..... Even
why does that bother you Eddie you know deep down that it won’t last with him
he is just giving her what she needs to get through each day you don’t have to
anymore.
I have become co-dependent on Karen you really need to move on and fuck
something else, next week time to get fit and healthy again.
the sex was sometimes good but always wrapped up in karens head.

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